Beyond Bounds Blog

If you don’t have the skills to handle transactions that have gone wrong, which happens more often while abroad due in part to obvious language and cultural reasons, chances are you are going to become resentful of the country and its citizens.

Sure, they aren’t perfect, but neither are you. Get it right on your side; follow these 7 steps to ensure that service and transactions don’t ruin your day/month/year/ attitude toward and opinion of others.

Satisfactory results don’t always mean “get what I want,” but rather it means that you don’t leave with a ball of confusing emotions. I can’t promise that you won’t be “cheated,” but by being proactive instead of reactive, you will come out a lot happier.

1) Calm Down

Take a deep breath and take in the situation. Keep your anger and ego at bay. When you stay calm there is a higher chance the other person will keep calm as well, just as if you start to get angry and yell the other person will most likely react similarly, or at the very least will put up walls and defenses that will be very hard to penetrate.

Many people I know swear by the stamina method of “breaking down” people into giving them what they want. These people have selective memories that only recall a few instances when the other person gave in; they never remember the countless times that yelling got them into trouble, made them lose money, or created situations in which no one would compromise, sometimes resulting in even worse things than they expected.

I remember checking out business Chinese classes last year. I brought a Chinese friend along with me to help me decide if the class was worth it or not. When the administration found out she is Chinese, they told her that she couldn’t listen in on the class. I felt that their rule was bogus so I lost my temper and started a yelling match with them in attempt to convince them to let her stay. Instead they strengthened their position. The tension in the room was so intense that there was no way for me to stay. As soon as I left I realized that by yelling I had unintentionally caused the exact opposite of what I wanted. I left without a business Chinese class.

Calming down and talking through the problem might be enough to get the results you want. If not…

2) Talk to the boss

This is one of the most important and yet blatantly obvious things that I never did and finally learned in recent years, and it is important when dealing with any transactions amongst people.

Don’t waste time arguing with people who don’t have the power to make deals, aka “underlings.” Underlings are the front line and have specific and rigid instructions from their managers. Managers are there to deal with the hard questions that cannot be quantified into yes and no. Spend as much time as you need gathering information from underlings, but when you don’t find satisfactory results go straight to the manager. He doesn’t have to bend the rules because he makes the rules.

If you are renting an apartment through an agency and are unhappy with something you can bypass the agency and call the landlord directly. The underling here is told what the landlord wants and for how much, but they never turn around and tell the landlord what tenants want. At least with the landlord you have a chance – the agency has different motivations.

Don’t fuss with the agency over things the agency can’t change, it’s just stupid. Recognize who are underlings and who are decision makers; ask for the boss. When talking to the boss, make sure to…

3) Show evidence

The fastest way to end an argument is to show visual proof that supports what you are saying. Whether it is the contract, a receipt, or photos that you received online from a travel agent about your accommodations (which were completely different from the hotel you see in front of you), it is important that words are not the only thing you are working with. If you only have words, then it is your word against the managers, and that is not a good situation to be in. If at least you can prove on paper that you are in the right, more often than not decisions will be made in your favor. Even with evidence you might still get screwed, but I’ll talk about that in point 7.

Visual evidence speaks much better than you in your broken xyz (insert random language). If you don’t have evidence, next time you’ll be better prepared because you will…

4) Keep all documentation

Just yesterday I was waiting for my order at a local Chinese restaurant and a young couple came up to the register in a fit. “Where is my food?” “Let me see your ticket.” “You didn’t give me one.” It took 20 minutes of arguing before they finally they got their food.

Bad move. This can happen at a restaurant and it can happen to your deposit at a hotel or an apartment. Don’t let it happen: keep all receipts, and anything else that has signatures, prices, promises, or payments.

If you don’t have documentation, your chances for success plummet. You’d better…

5) Consider if you are in the wrong

“What? No way! The customer is always right!”

Wrong. Not every country believes in this old-fashioned mindset that gives customers free reign in society and a license to be assholes. Be smart, realize that sometimes you make mistakes and you’ll feel better at the end of the day, rather than punching holes in the walls screaming “I HATE CHINESE BANKS,” frustrated, angry, and confused. Honesty feels good and it will keep the blame where it should be – on you, not on society. You can then quickly deal with the problem and move on with your life.

If you searched your soul and found that you are still being honest, maybe it’s time to…

6) Cut your losses

Also Known As: Compromise. I like to think of this as cutting your losses because compromise covers situations in which both parties are benefiting; you can make a compromise that both sides are happy with. If you cut your losses, you still have losses so you can’t be too happy about the outcome.

Try to bargain. Maybe you can split the costs of repairing that toilet with your landlord. Maybe you can pay a reduced price on taxi fare that was run up when he took the wrong way. You could take a reduced bonus for being late that once to work instead of nothing.

Be logical and sound sincere. People in many countries are so accustomed to compromising that they won’t accept any deals that don’t require both sides to budge, even if it’s just a little bit. It makes them feel good. Make them feel good and get out of there.

If they still won’t budge, just…

7) Let it go

The most important thing that I have learned in my two years in China is when to just accept things as they are and walk away. This is never easy, especially for westerners. For us, we believe more in the spirit of the transaction than in the utility of it. You can find Americans fighting over a dollar, but you’d never see Chinese doing that. For societies that value utility more than integrity, you find fewer arguments over pennies (although it is a lot more complicated than that.).

Are you arguing over an amount under $10 (insert amount that doesn’t mean much to you)? Would it have been faster and easier to just fix the toilet yourself? This is the first test to whether you should even be considering the above steps in the first place. A lot of people get stuck with these arguments, and if you can learn to just let go of these from the get-go, your life will be a lot smoother.

Living and traveling abroad is already hard enough, but if you expect service to be exactly what you are used to from home then you are going to find yourself full of resentment and on a plane back home long before you planned to. Let go of the little things and just do what it takes to make them go away with minimal complications.

Knowing when to let go when there is a value that means a lot to you that you still can’t “win” back is the real hard part. What happens when you can’t get your $300 deposit back from your apartment? Or worse?

I got kicked out of my apartment for the Olympics. The reason given was just a cover story – the truth was that the landlord felt that he could rent the place for more money because the Olympics caused housing prices to jump. Renters were justifying 50% increases in rent with the Olympics. I know, really. None of the above 6 steps applied to me, as my other roommates accepted the terms quickly and within 2 weeks were already out of the apartment. I focused on the problem – complaining to people and refused to do anything until the last week, in which I was in a really bad situation. I couldn’t accept the situation – I was angry and hoped that it would somehow go away. I should have been out looking for a new apartment.

Accept the situation. Accept that you are right. Accept that they are wrong. Accept that you still lost. Accept that life is not a fairy tale. Accept that this is an isolated event OR accept that this society still has a lot of work to do in fair business practices. Accept this as a part of the price for your experience. Accept that there is more to a country and people than money deals. Move on.

Conclusions:

Not all of these steps fit in every situation, but many of them will. Sometimes there will be no boss or the boss isn’t available to you, but knowing what decisions this person can make is important. Sometimes it will be impossible to cut losses – it will be all or nothing. The foundation still remains:

Stay calm and assess the situation, accept the realities and move on. You’ll be a lot happier and less resentful.